GGRRRRRRR..................................
These are the times that I hate myself the most.
These fianls I only have four, but they give me the biggest anxiety.
A never ending fear that I will never do well enough for OTHER people.......
see? See what I just said? OTHER PEOPLE. I never think about how i do for myself.
I guess after many years of trying impress people...its just sticks. I mean I am really nice.
I can get along with pretty much anyone. My problem is that I try to please everyone I know.
Even people who know me so well. I still try. I've already made the impression on them. They know who I am and what I am like.
I never take time for myself...and if I do it's probably catching up on so major sleep.
I cant wait for this semester to be over. I swear the first day I'm off....wait no...that wont work....I'm getting my wisdom teeth out......the day after THAT....I'll sleep all day! hahaha.
Oy.....along with final and getting sooo nervous about the stupid wisdom teeth, cause GOD FORRBID that I have a normal thing down and get them pulled out....no.......I get my mouth cut opened......and well fun shit. At least they are putting me out for the procedure. I was so sick the last time after I got my bottoms one outs....FUCK THIS....hahaha.


On the bright side..... 23 DAYS TILL MICHIGAN!!!!!! it will be nice to get out of the state.......
Dont miss me too much darlings hahahah <3 <3

Night, 8;30 final wish me luck!
XOXOXO
CACC

Yep Yep Kiddies I'm back.
I'm sick lol whats new right?
Anyway......
Dreams are such an amazing thing.
There are so many types of dream you can have
but they all represent you....(Thanks D.W. for teaching me that lol)
No matter who you see...that person is you.
Dreams are always telling you something.
Lately I have had dreams on betrayel
and to be honest I have been betrayed many
times this year. I my heart still hurts for at least one of them.
but besides that, it's who i see. I mean it's scary to think that
one of the only people I trust betrays me in my dreams.
its very scary.

but besides that. I dont know who to trust anymore. I've been hurt so many times, i dont know what a good feeling is anymore.
I guess when your heart is broken by the person who gave you like...can really ruin you.
My secret I cry almost everyday because of it. People tell me i should move on, how can i? How can i move on knowing that the next time i here from her....it wont even be her it will be someone telling me she died.
Ugh...my random blog lol
Ok ill start blogging more at least once a week.
Though this week i have a story to tell you.
love you

So these past few months have been hell. Also I was sending an email I remembered that I had my little bloggity blog.
So lets see whats new.
Had to put cuddles to sleep....that was a load of joy.
just everything after that happened so fast. Ugh I cant seem to type much......gah
On the bright side I have been re admittted to the mount....yeeahhh...
Ok well I'm going to work my puzzle ^_^

a'wdogkaelgkroakoglasfjbalglgrkg,;as

Like my title? hah!
Okay so, I'm kind of annoyed at someone. I call her all the time and she NEVER PICKS UP HER PHONE! It drives me insane. I really needed to talk to her, but no. This always puts the question in my head. Why are we friends. I'm so sick of waiting. So now I'm officially fed up with her. I won't call her. She can call me. But then when she does she'll complain on why I havn't called her. AAHHH! *rips hair out of head* I don't know what to do. =\ going loco here! And it's not just with me, it's with everyone else......day after day. If I'm lucky I'll get her but thats like once in a blue moon. I need to get better friends. Ones who listen and can understand me. Also a person who doesnt tell me anything. She lies to my face. Oh yeah forgot to mention. She tells me all the time that she trys and call but doesnt go through. Bull freak shift. (yes I said shift) My phones are working perfectly fine. Nothing is wrong with them. You can call my cell with no problem, shes just bull shifting (I said shift again XD ) Only with her does she have the problem. She says it so she doesn't feel guilty or shift. (I thank nurse Jackie for Shift XP) I swear thats what it is. The real reason, is because she never bothers. I really want to tell her (well yell) that shut up my phone is not broken, you can leave a fucking message. Oh and maybe you should try actually dialing the phone. I *69 all the time and not once has she called. Flipping pancakes!!!!
Anywho now that I have calmed down. I'm better now ^_^
Going to go do some art lol again.
TTYL
XOXO

Just my luck.

Hey guys, it's Courtney.
I seem to go places at the best times.
For example. I had to get a transcript yesterday @ asj for my residents thingie (lol)
So yes, I saw Mrs. G. And she told be that there going to be people visiting her. I wonder who?
So yes I saw a bunch of other teachers. I was all, heheh sooo weird. I mean the ONE DAY. I go there, they all decided to visit. ARGH! lol I mean not like it was a bad thing (it wasnt) but I get kind of sad when I see them. Plus being at my old home doesn't help either. But of course my day gets better. Cuddles keeps having these spaz attacks. Last night she had another small seicure. I dont know what I'm going to do anymore. =_=. She is my everything. She's helpped me through my depression in 6th grade. She was my nurse when I was sick. I never really thought that this would happen to her, and so young! She's only 7! Well just pray for her. Thanks
Well thats all for now, time to do art......which may I add is not cheap!!!

Who was your most painful breakup with?
ick...not getting into that
Who was the last person to IM you?
Mike
What have you eaten today?
um...gum
Do you seek approval from your friends before going out with someone?
no
What are you doing tomorrow?
idk yet lol
Is there anyone who you think you deserve an apology from?
yes
Can you commit to one person?
yes
Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
yes, damian since he was laying next to me
How many sunglasses do you own?
About three pairs.
What color do you want to dye your hair?
Black
What's your favorite sad song? Hmm...I think By this time
What did you wear to school today? no school
Uggs and crocs are the worst right? yess, flip flops FTW
How many states have you lived in? 3
Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property? um..no
Are you a dog or cat person? Both
What were the last words you said to your Dad? nothing...I dont have one of thoses
Do you ever think about the past? sometimes
Does anyone know your password besides you? i try not too but I have nosey friends
What are you listening to? dishwashwer
Last people you rode in a car with? um....Maddie
What are you wondering? I'm wondering about CMSV
Is there anyone holding a grudge against you? lmao! yes
What were you afraid of the most when you were a kid? spiders and clowns
When was the last time you completely broke down? um...hm..friday I think
Are you wearing a ring? no :( My class ring is being fixed
Are any of your friends virgins? lol i would hope so
What were you doing at 11:00 last night? stuff
Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? nah
What are you sitting on right now? a chair Which color: orange or red? um..neither?
Last time you got let down? Hmm...its been a while
What's the most expensive pair of jeans you own? lmao idk
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? yes haha
Whats one of the biggest turn-offs on a guy/girl? um....rude
Does the last song you heard remind you of anyone? no
Have you recently ended any fights with someone? you mean the constant fights with my mom LMAO! <3
What did you do yesterday? easter, hung out with peeps
Do you currently have a hickey? no
After breaking up, what's the worst part? feeling heart broken
Who do you want to see the most right now? oh people =P
Would it be weird if the last person you kissed called you? no
Do you change your phone background alot? no
When is your birthday? June 5th
Last person you hugged? mom
Have you ever wanted to have someone, but you messed it up? yes
What makes you lose your appetite?? stress and other things
Do you own any Hollister clothing? hell no
Does anyone call you baby or babe? LMAO yes
Do you happen to have a crush on anyone? yes
Do you ever get paranoid when someone is reading your text messages? fuck yea
Have you ever been told you were amazing? yeah
When was the last time you said you were fine and really weren't? hahaha always
When was the last time you fought with your parents?
five minuntes ago lmao! jk
Do you believe that any of your ex's ever think about you? idk
Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? um...yea
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a J? yes
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with a K? idk
Do you want to get married?
yes
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing? yeah
Would you ever live with any of your best friends? yes
Do you like the last person you hugged? yea
Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? yeah
Do you have trust issues? lol
Do you have any friends from Russia?
I acutally do! lol
Do you text with one hand or with both?
both
Who are you texting right now?
no one
Do you have any texts locked in you're inbox? Why?
no
Who are all the texts from in you're inbox?
Maddie Nikki Rachel...a few others lol

1.2.3.4.

Ten things I'd like to say to certain people. (but don't say their name, you can repeat people)

1. You Broke my heart......I really wish you would open your eyes and grow up!
2. I love you so much, you have completed my life.
3. I really do hate you I never did one thing to you and yet you can be so cruel.
4. I really wish you would leave me alone.
5. You are my sister forever.....<3
6. I miss getting to see you every day.
7. I'm ready to move on.....without you.
8. thank you for ever thing you've done for me I love you!
9. I'm not a child anymore, stop treating me like one.
10. You are a bitch....I hate you.......I'm glad you're gone from my life.

Nine things about myself that you may or may not know.

1. I'm not as nice as every one thinks.
2. I'm actually quiet more then it looks
3. I wish I could relive my childhood
4. I love to write about death.
5. When I am angry you can see it.
6. I hate people who are too nice....
7. I love helping people
8. I acutally dont think I can sing well.
9. I dont like mixing me school friends with my home friends.
Eight ways to win my heart.

1. be honest
2. be there for me
3. make me laugh
4. Help me find hogwarts
5. be yourself
6. attempt to understand me
7. You listen to me and I listen to you
8. Dont contradict me....


Seven things that cross my mind a lot.

1. My mom
2. CMSV
3. My sister
4. Him
5. cuddles
6. people who need to get a life
7. life

Six things I do before I fall asleep.

1. type.
2. shower
3. facebook
4. talk to friends
5. Aim
6. watch tv

Five of your favorites.

1. Favorite band: AFI
2. Favorite food: Carrots
3. Favorite color: purple
4. Favorite thing to do: write
5. Favorite song: Miss Murder

Four things I'm wearing right now.

1. My snape first
2. Slyherin necklace
3. blue plaid pants
4. Class ring

Three bands/artists that I listen to often.

1. AFI
2. Lady Gaga
3. Owl city

Two things I want to do before I die.

1. Write a book
2. meet Mariska Hargitay

One wish.
1. To live a good life